“The God Who Knows Us”

Meditation on Psalm 139 for Audrey Stomberg’s Funeral

May 11, 2015

“O Lord, you have searched me and known me.
You know when I sit down and when I rise up;
   you discern my thoughts from far away.
You search out my path and my lying down,
   and are acquainted with all my ways.
Even before a word is on my tongue,
   O Lord, you know it completely.
You hem me in, behind and before,
   and lay your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;
   it is so high that I cannot attain it. 

Where can I go from your spirit?
   Or where can I flee from your presence?
If I ascend to heaven, you are there;
   if I make my bed in Sheol, you are there.
If I take the wings of the morning
   and settle at the farthest limits of the sea,
even there your hand shall lead me,
   and your right hand shall hold me fast.
If I say, ‘Surely the darkness shall cover me,
   and the light around me become night’,
even the darkness is not dark to you;
   the night is as bright as the day,
   for darkness is as light to you.
For it was you who formed my inward parts;
   you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
   Wonderful are your works;
that I know very well.
   My frame was not hidden from you,
when I was being made in secret,
   intricately woven in the depths of the earth.
Your eyes beheld my unformed substance.
In your book were written
   all the days that were formed for me,
   when none of them as yet existed.
How weighty to me are your thoughts, O God!
   How vast is the sum of them!
I try to count them—they are more than the sand;
   I come to the end—I am still with you.……
Search me, O God, and know my heart;
   test me and know my thoughts.
See if there is any wicked way in me,
   and lead me in the way everlasting.”

***

     God was always with her--and Audrey knew it. When she and Lester lived in their house in Clara City, she saw the Lord in the sunlight that streamed in her living room window--and in the shadows when the sun dipped low in the sky at night. She sensed God with her when she cultivated flowers in her garden or nurtured her indoor, potted plants. She felt God’s comforting presence as the wind bent branches on the trees and rustled the leaves. She knew God’s goodness when the rain fell and the snow swirled from the sky or the birds burst into song. And she remembered God’s loving provision for her as she watched her feathered friends nibble seed from a tray on the great, big rock in her front yard.

     Audrey was proud of her rock! Do you know the story? When the city was digging up Audrey and Lester’s yard to install new sewers or storm drains, they encountered an enormous rock, too large and heavy for human hands to lift. It was in the way and slowing down progress. What should they do with this rock? Audrey heard about the rock, went out to look at the rock. She saw “treasure” and “opportunity” while others saw “nuisance” and “obstruction.” She worked out a deal; the rock stayed. Now she could look out her window and see yet another reminder from Creation of God’s everlasting presence and faithfulness.

    “Blessed be the Lord, my rock, my strength and my shield!” Audrey would say, quoting from the Psalms. “My heart trusts in him.” She was still reading from the Bible every day when she lived in her home. She often quoted Bible verses. I admired that! It truly was God’s living Word to her. She was always listening for His voice, and ready to share something the Spirit had whispered into her heart. She was an evangelist, ready to share her faith with friend, neighbor, and stranger.

       Audrey warmly welcomed me to Ebenezer when I arrived about 4 years ago. She invited me to her home and tried to fatten me up with cookies from the Clara City bakery or cake she had iced that morning. She took me on tours throughout their house, including downstairs where Lester kept his collection of toy tractors and she had oodles of fabric, thread, cotton batting for quilts, foam for stuffing pillows and many other sewing and weaving supplies. She shared stories as she showed me photos on the wall of her “3 boys” and their families. She gave great hugs and giggled when I came. She hugged me again when I left and sang out, “I love you!” while she waved goodbye.  

     Audrey attended worship at Ebenezer with Lester regularly, along with Friendship Circle--the church’s quilting group-- and Presbyterian Women --until about 3 years ago, when Lester grew increasingly weak and struggled to get around. Audrey had been raised in the faith at Trinity Lutheran church in Sacred Heart, but became a member of Ebenezer after marrying Lester in 1950 when she was only 17. Over the years, she taught Sunday school, was ordained as an elder, and served as clerk of session.

      She had many gifts, in addition to teaching and administration, especially when it came to needle and thread, fabric and a sewing machine. Her quilts were not just blankets or bedspreads; they were beautiful family heirlooms. She took on complicated projects others wouldn’t dare attempt, sewing not only everyday clothing and items for household use, but also prom gowns, bridesmaid dresses, and wedding gowns! In addition to quilting and sewing, Audrey knitted, crocheted, embroidered and did hardanger, a form of intricate, Norwegian white needlework. Up until relatively recently, Audrey had made the personalized keepsake hankies embellished with hardanger that we gave to parents when their infants were baptized.

        What most impressed me when I first visited Audrey and Lester was watching them work at their loom in the spare bedroom. I discovered that they had taught themselves to weave after they had retired from farming and their children were all grown. Lester built the loom himself from a kit with modifications --later he made 2 more!--and they got busy making rugs, mostly to give away.

      Audrey was sad when they could no longer make it to church every Sunday. She missed her friends and the fellowship, but assured me that she could still worship God in her living room! They listened to services on the radio and TV and sang along with the good, old-fashioned hymns. She could worship God anywhere because God was always with her.

***

    The writer of Psalm 139 asks the Lord, “Where can I go from your spirit? Or where can I flee from your presence?” Then he answers his own question--nowhere. We can go nowhere in this world that the Spirit of the Lord won’t already be there ahead of us. God is everywhere. In this world and the world to come, in life and in death, the God who lovingly created us is always with us. And God isn’t just present--the Lord is our help, our guide, our rock and refuge in times of trouble. The psalmist writes, “If I take the wings of the morning and settle at the farthest limits of the sea, even there your hand shall lead me and your right hand shall hold me fast.”

     But you know, God’s everlasting presence with us would not bring us comfort and peace if we were not sure that the Lord loved us and truly knew us as we really are. Psalm 139 reassures us that no one else understands us quite like the Lord, who loves us, despite His intimate knowledge of our being. Our God knows and “searches” our hearts and discerns our every thought. The Lord knows every word we are going to say. The Lord is “acquainted” with all our “ways.”

      While the psalms provide a variety of images of our Lord, such as God as king, shepherd, father, and mother, God in Psalm 139 is, very appropriately when we consider Audrey’s passions, the “knitter” and the “weaver.” “For it was you who formed my inward parts,” the psalmist says. “you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; that I know very well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was being made in secret,”---and now listen--“intricately woven in the depths of the earth.”    

***

     The knitting, weaving, sewing and Bible reading gradually slowed, then ceased for Audrey. Lester died a year ago last December. Though she seemed strong at first in his last days, her condition deteriorated until she was eventually moved to a special unit at the nursing home for patients with dementia. While she had moments of clarity and continued to tell stories mixed with fleeting memories, she no longer recognized friends, family or pastor. She retreated into herself, moving ever closer to her life in the world to come.

    One of my last visits with her was on a Thursday. I was preparing to leave town to see my family when I stopped by the nursing home. I found her fast asleep in a recliner in a common area not far from the nurses’ station. A woman holding a stuffed, yellow “Big Bird” upside down approached me when I sat next to Audrey. She smiled when I said, “Hello.” I leaned in close to Audrey, touched her hand and called her name. When she continued to sleep, I waited quietly, taking in my surroundings. I was disappointed that I didn’t get to speak with Audrey and remind her of God’s love--and how the church missed her. But I saw God in the warm sunlight streaming in through the window. I remembered the Lord’s faithful provision for me as I listened to birds chirping and nibbling at seed in a nearby cage. I sensed God’s presence amongst some of the Lord’s neediest children, who seemed at peace. And I began to pray aloud for Audrey and my new friend, who joined me in the “Amen.” 

***

    Friends, God will be with us always throughout our lives of faith -- as the Lord was for Audrey. We will continue to experience times of joy and sorrow. Times of confidence, but also times when we are anxious. We will have times when we feel spiritually “full” and “whole” but also times when we will feel broken, empty and maybe even lost, especially if we are mourning our loved ones. Our feelings will change, moment by moment. But the God who wonderfully made us and knew all our days when none of them yet existed will remain the same loving, gracious, merciful Lord our God has always been. Blessed be the Lord, our rock, strength and shield! My heart trusts in Him!

      The Spirit that dwells within us will continue to draw us nearer to our Lord and stir a yearning in us to know God more. May we be like the psalmist who exclaims in wonder, “How weighty to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them! I try to count them--they are more than the sand.” May we come to realize, also like the psalmist, the most important thing of all: “I come to the end--I am still with you.”