Our forgiveness shows what we think of God’s
forgiveness
Message for April 9, 2014
***
Sometimes I think about my girlhood friend. We met the summer before
third grade. We quickly became best friends and stayed friends, though I moved
away from the area when I started high school. We stayed friends, though I went
still further away to college—and she remained in the area in which we grew up.
We had had our silly quarrels every once in a while when we were kids
that we quickly got over when we realized the value of our friendship and that
we were, in fact, more like sisters than friends.
And we had some misunderstandings and hurt feelings when we were
adults. Our lives and goals were very
different. She didn’t marry and have kids, and I did. She was very
career-oriented, while I homeschooled and became more committed to my faith,
prayer, and church activities. My friend didn’t want religion to be that big a
part of her life, she said. We remained friends. We managed to be there for one
another through so many difficult times and long distances, encouraging each
other through phone calls, letters, and occasional visits.
After so many years of friendship, we parted when I married Jim and felt
God was calling me to go to seminary. We didn’t have a fight. She simply
stopped returning my calls and letters. She quietly, abruptly disappeared from
my life. I could do nothing to repair our relationship as she cut off all
communication. I just had to let her go. But the pain went deep. I had to learn
to forgive.
***
Today’s final lesson in our series on the peacemaking church is about
forgiveness. We cannot live in peace if
we cannot learn to forgive! But
forgiving can be the hardest thing to do, especially when the wounds go deep.
Ken Sande, the author of the book, “The Peacemaker,” that we have been using
for our study, says, “Christians are the most forgiven people in the world. Therefore, we should be the most forgiving people in the world.”--Ken
Sande, The Peacemaker, p. 204.
Are we? Or do we often embrace God’s love and forgiveness for our sins,
while we stubbornly withhold love and forgiveness from others?
Scripture says this about forgiveness: A direct relationship exists
between God’s forgiveness and ours. We
forgive because of what God has done for us! Eph. 4:32 says, “and be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving
one another, as God in Christ has forgiven you.” In Matt. 6:12, when the
Lord teaches us to pray, the prayer includes, “And forgive us our debts, as we also
have forgiven our debtors.” Col. 3:13b says, “Bear with one another and, if
anyone has a complaint against another, forgive each other; just as the
Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.”
Still, forgiveness doesn’t come naturally. We need God’s help.
Let’s talk about what forgiveness is—and isn’t. Scripture describes forgiveness
as an act of love. It is not a
feeling, not forgetting, not excusing. When God says in Isaiah 43:25 that he
“remembers your sins no more” he is promising that he will not remember them—not that God cannot remember them! In Ps. 103:12, we read that the Lord has
removed our transgressions from us as far as the east is from the west!
Forgiveness is a choice. It doesn’t just happen. It is something we do in
obedience to Christ’s command to love one another. Paul tells the Corinthian
church, embroiled in conflict, “Love is patient; love is kind; love is not
envious or boastful or arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it
is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but
rejoices in the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all
things, endures all things.”
What happens when God forgives? Forgiveness breaks
down the walls that our sins have built and opens the way for a renewed
relationship with the Lord. The Greek word aphiemi
translated “forgiveness” means to let go,
release or remit. It often refers to debts that have been paid or canceled
in full, such as in Matt. 6:12; 18:27 and 32. God’s forgiveness is undeserved
and cannot be earned. The Greek word charizomai translated “forgiveness”
means to bestow favor freely or unconditionally.
Rom. 6:23 assures us, “For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is
eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.”
God’s
forgiveness is unlimited. How many times does God forgive? So how often should
we forgive? In Matthew 18, Peter asks Jesus, ‘Lord, if another member of the
church sins against me, how often should I forgive? As many as seven
times?’ And Jesus says, ‘Not seven times, but, I tell you, seventy times
seven.”
When we forgive, we make 4 promises (p. 209):
a. “I will not dwell
on this incident.”
b. “I will not bring
up this incident again and use it against you.
c. “I will not talk
to others about this incident.”
d. “I will not let
this incident stand between us or hinder our personal relationship.”
By making and keeping these promises, with God’s help, we will tear down
the walls that stand between us and other people. Keeping these promises clear
the way for our relationships to develop unhindered by memories of past wrongs.
Forgiveness, according to Ken Sande, has 2 stages. The first stage is unconditional:
having an attitude of forgiveness. We come to the Lord in prayer with a humble
heart, a servant’s heart that recognizes our own need for God’s grace and our
own lack of righteousness without it. Mark 11:25 tells us, ‘Whenever you stand praying,
forgive, if you have anything against anyone; so that your Father in heaven may
also forgive you your trespasses.’
We read of Stephen in Acts 7 kneeling
down as he is being stoned, crying out in a loud voice, ‘Lord, do not hold this
sin against them.’
The 2nd stage of forgiveness is conditional: granting
forgiveness; it takes place between you and that person. In Luke 17:3, Jesus
tells us, “Be on your guard! If another disciple sins, you must rebuke the
offender, and if there is repentance, you must forgive.” Ideally, repentance
precedes forgiveness, but not always. Romans 5:8 tells us that God demonstrated
his love to us while we were yet sinners and He sent Jesus to die for us. He didn’t wait for our repentance. He didn’t
wait for us to come to Him. In Luke 23:34, when Jesus is crucified, Jesus prays, ‘Father, forgive them;
for they do not know what they are doing.”
You might worry that forgiveness isn’t just; it
rewards sinful behavior. Forgiveness doesn’t mean always releasing the
wrongdoer from all consequences of sin. In Numbers 14:20-23, God forgives
Israel its sins, but their generation will not see the promised land because of
their unbelief and disobedience.
But sometimes, we just want to hold onto our anger and hurt. How do we
overcome unforgiveness? What if the person isn’t sorry for what they have done
and won’t even admit that what they have done was hurtful? And what about
forgiving the person who says they are sorry, but continues the hurtful
behavior?
We forgive, with God’s help. But forgiveness doesn’t mean that we
continue in a close relationship with a person who is physically or emotionally
abusive.
Friends, be patient. You have heard me say
that often during this Lenten series! Be patient. Today, it might feel like it
is impossible for you to forgive someone who has hurt you. Maybe the one you
are struggling to forgive is yourself! But through prayer and God’s Spirit
working in your heart and in the hearts of those around you, tomorrow, things
might look completely different. Tomorrow, you might wonder why you were upset
in the first place!
No matter what the conflict or trial, God
is working for our good. Conflict is an opportunity to glorify God, serve others,
grow in faith, and be shaped into the person God wants us to be. And at all
times, may the knowledge of God’s forgiveness for us strengthen us to do His
will.
Now go and be reconciled! As 2 Cor. 5:18-20 says, “All this is from God, who
reconciled us to himself through Christ, and has given us the ministry of
reconciliation; that is, in Christ God was reconciling the world to
himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and entrusting the
message of reconciliation to us. So we are ambassadors for Christ, since
God is making his appeal through us; we entreat you on behalf of Christ, be
reconciled to God.”
Go and be reconciled knowing that it is a process that may take time. And
that it is difficult and requires effort. The walls that have come up between
you and the other person have to be torn down. Then, after the demolition work,
you have to “clear away the debris and do repairs.” (Ken Sande p. 219.)
Know that forgiveness requires a change in our attitude that will lead
to a change in our relationship.
Know that you have to give the person who offended you an opportunity to
regain your trust. You won’t be able to reconcile with someone with whom you
refuse to speak! Likewise, you won’t be able to be reconciled with someone who
refuses to speak with you!
Friends, don’t know what to do to repair a broken relationship? Pray! Trust
in the Lord. Meditate on God’s Word.
Think of Jesus—who has paid our debt in full when he died on the cross for the
sins of the world.
Wait for the Spirit to grant you wisdom, strength, and an opportunity
for reconciliation. Wait in faith that the Spirit will guide you in what you do
and say.
I pray God’s Word will continue to
empower you to respond to conflict in godly ways. So that, as Jesus says in Luke 6:27-28, you may love your
enemies, bless those who curse you and pray for those who abuse you. And so that, as Paul says in Romans 12:21, you would not repay evil
with evil, but overcome evil with good.
Go and be reconciled, knowing that reconciliation doesn’t mean the
person should now be your closest friend. Think of Jacob and Esau, who
reconciled after decades of being apart, and then immediately went their
separate ways with their households. Seek God’s will so that the choices you
make will be pleasing to Him.
Maybe someday I will be reconciled with my childhood friend. In my
heart, I have granted her forgiveness every time I think of her and the years
of friendship that we shared. I pray that she will be able to forgive me. I
pray, most of all, that the Lord will draw her to Himself and that she will be
reconciled to Him through belief on His Son. I pray that this conflict will be
something God will use to accomplish His purposes in and through my friend and
me. And that no matter what happens, God
will be glorified!
Will you pray with me?
Holy God of peace, thank you for loving us while we were still sinners.
And for sending your only Son to die on the cross for our sakes. Thank you for
your patience with us – forgiving us over and over again – having grace and
love for us unconditionally while we struggle to extend your grace and love to
others. Forgive us, again, we plead, for our disobedience and selfishness. Help
us to forgive as you forgive us. Humble us by a new and deeper understanding of
divine forgiveness and what you have done for us through our Savior, Redeemer
and Lord. Move our hearts to compassion for those who are stuck in sinful
lifestyles, unable to walk away from the temptations of sin that hurt you,
Lord, and that hold them captive. Stir us to reach out to the lost with the
hope of the gospel. Help us to truly believe that the sacrifice of Jesus Christ
was enough for all sin—for the sins of yesterday, today, and tomorrow. For all my
sins, for all our sins. For all the sins of the world. Lead us to live as a
forgiven people, walking in kindness and seeking always to partner with you in
your ministry of reconciliation. In Christ we pray. Amen.
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