Two Are Better Than One

Meditation on Ecclesiastes 4:9-12

for the Wedding of Megan and Jordan

June 15, 2013

***

⁹ Two are better than one,
    because they have a good return for their labor:
¹⁰ If either of them falls down,
    one can help the other up.
But pity anyone who falls
    and has no one to help them up.
¹¹ Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone?
¹² Though one may be overpowered,
    two can defend themselves.
A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.

***

      I was working in the garden the other night.  It is the place I like to be at this time of the year—in spite of the mosquitoes, mud, weeds and all.

    And my husband was bringing in our dogs.

    He asked, “Do you need any help?”

    “No,” I said.  And went back to my shoveling, weeding and planting.

     Of course I could have used some help.  But I know my husband well.  He doesn’t like working outside. He and I are very different people.  And I don’t want him to do something he doesn’t like to do—just to please me.  

      I don’t mind that he doesn’t like working in the yard.  He is always kind to me about it. He never complains that when I am working outside with my hands in the soil, sometimes the hours go by. Before I know it, darkness has fallen. He does offer bribes, however, for me to come in sooner rather than later.  The other night, he hugged me and said if I came in early and rested the remainder of the evening with him, he would buy me some more mulch.

     So I worked fast.  Shoveling and pulling weeds and getting another soil bed ready for planting.  I worked up a sweat!

      While I am outside, Jim does his ministry work, prepares the family dinner, and cleans up afterwards.  And then, if it is basketball season, he turns on the TV to watch a game.

      When I met him, I liked basketball, too, but I never watched sports on TV or followed any of the NBA teams.  I didn’t know the difference between the Miami Heat or the San Antonio Spurs, well, except that Miami is in Florida and San Antonio is in Texas. 

     Now, when I come inside and wash up after gardening, I settle in with him and cheer on LeBron James and Dwayne Wade. Manu Ginobili and Tim Duncan. 

     I admire their energy and agility.  They are like tough guy ballerinas, leaping and twirling as they are scoring more points—or blocking the other team from scoring. I love to watch the expressions on the players’ faces after a referee has called a fowl. The cameras pull in for a close up and the accused is always wide eyed and mouth open.  Fawning innocence. “What? A fowl? Not me!”

      Still, when its basketball season, it seems like there is a game on almost every night.  They blur together for me.  If you asked me the score of last night’s game, I couldn’t tell you.  And I might not remember the winning team—especially if I fell asleep before the end.

      But I don’t mind that we watch basketball. I like seeing Jim happy and relaxed.  And I don’t expect or want him to change and give up his love of basketball because I don’t love it as much as he does.

     And he doesn’t expect or want me to give up gardening, just because he hates outside work.  He watches me from inside his office or kitchen window, he says, and I look so happy and peaceful.  He is always worried about my wellbeing. “Don’t forget to wear your hat!” he hollers.  “Wear your gloves!”

        While Genesis 2:24 talks about two becoming one flesh in marriage, Ecclesiastes, by saying two people are better than one, emphasizes that marriage is about two people remaining two people after marriage. Each person is valued equally in this loving relationship. Both are necessary for the wellbeing of the other and the relationship.  When one is down, the other lifts them up.  When they face the struggles and attacks of this world—they face them together—not as one person, but two! Ecclesiastes says, “Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves.”

     While I have given the lighthearted example of spouses enjoying different hobbies and interests, what I hope you will remember from this meditation is that God has made each of us with unique gifts, talents, interests, and personalities. He would be displeased if we attempted to change ourselves for the sake of pleasing someone else rather than being the person God has created us to be.

       And a spouse would not be loving us if they demanded that we change ourselves and give up who we are, what makes us special, and what brings us peace, in order to be more pleasing to them.

      On the other hand, those who truly love one another with a love like Christ for his Church are willing to sacrifice their own pleasure, comfort, and even their own life if it means the safety and wellbeing of the other. Christian love is a servant love—one that tries to outdo the other with kindness.  Kindness without expecting anything in return.

       Though people outside the church often criticize Christians by pointing out that the divorce rate of churchgoers is no different than the divorce rate of unbelievers, a marriage with Christ at the center, with two people committed to following the Lord and obeying His Will for their lives, is much stronger than a marriage without faith. This three-way covenant that Megan and Jordan will enter into today is what Ecclesiastes means when it proclaims, “A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.”

Let us pray.  Lord, thank you for the gift of marriage—for the way you bring to us someone to help and love and someone to love and help us.  Lead and empower us to love unselfishly as Christ has loved the Church. Keep us from making demands that hurt the ones we love and injure our marriage relationships.  Strengthen the faith of all who are gathered here.  Mend the hearts and lives that may be broken or damaged by sin. May each one of us know the peace of serving Christ as the center of our lives and the center of our families.  May each of us seek to be pleasing to Him.  In Christ we pray.  Amen.