“In Love”

Meditation on Ephesians 4:1-16

Aug. 5, 2012

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      I’ve got weddings on the brain.  Maybe it’s because I attended the wedding of Michael Bakker and Emily Hunt yesterday in Granville, Iowa. 

     Maybe it’s because I am involved in premarital counseling and wedding planning with a delightful young couple, whose special day is just 2 months away.

    I imagine the premarital counseling part may be pretty scary for some couples.  They wonder what kind of questions Pastor Karen will ask. And will their pastor decide not to marry them when she discovers they have disagreements and sometimes argue and get mad at each other?

    I try to put their fears to rest.  I tell them I am no expert on marriage. But I do believe it is important to try to prepare yourselves spiritually and emotionally for when you are husband and wife. Spiritual preparation can sometimes be neglected in all the excitement and busyness of planning the wedding.

     My prayer with them goes something like this, “Lord thank you for bringing these two people together in love. Thank you for giving them the desire to marry and leading them to me for the privilege of marrying them.  Show me how I can be a help to them and be a good pastor for them. Guide our conversations so that what needs to revealed will be said and so that You may be glorified.”

    We talk about all sorts of things in premarital counseling, including things that put stress on a marriage. Different views about spending and saving. Raising children.  Demanding jobs.  And simply differences in personality, family history, and interests.  

     Unfortunately, it’s true that opposites attract. And differences that didn’t bother you so much when you were dating may become a problem for your relationship when you are married.   

      One of the important things we talk about is finding a safe way to disagree. And being respectful in an argument. All couples have arguments! The question is do you trust one another enough to be able to express your feelings when you disagree?  Do you feel emotionally safe? Or are you defensive and domineering, saying things you often regret later?  Do you fear what might happen when your spouse is angry with you?

     Know what causes divorce? When a couple decides to give up. When kindness ends. When grace for one another runs out. When they can no longer forgive.

    When they can no longer live as one and live in love.

   

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     When I read the Ephesians passage this week, I thought about marriage. Disagreements may lead a couple to say hurtful things and damage their relationship.  Christians over the centuries, much like married couples, have had their disagreements.  And too often they have given into the temptation to sin against one other. The writer of Ephesians, presumably the apostle Paul, writes in response to conflict in the church.

    Someone—who came to Ephesus after Paul—has led the church astray and stirred anger and division. That’s why Paul tells them, “We must no longer be children, tossed to and fro and blown about by every wind of doctrine, by people’s trickery, by their craftiness in deceitful scheming.”  And like the church at Corinth, the Ephesus church is arguing over who is in charge and who has the greater spiritual gifts.

     Paul explains to the Corinthians and Ephesians how people receive different gifts—that’s true—but all of these gifts are meant to “equip the saints for the work of ministry and build up the body of Christ.”

      The Ephesus church has become a place where one is wounded rather than healed.

       People lack grace for one another. Kindness has ended.  And they are unable to forgive.  They no longer want to be in relationship with each other, despite Christ’s command that every member of His Body be one in Him.

       The Ephesians have forgotten that the greatest gift of all that the Lord gives to EVERYONE who seeks it is the gift of love.  Love unites and overcomes barriers and differences. Love promotes spiritual growth.

       Paul has the courage to speak the truth in love, scolding them for their childish behavior.  He humbly includes himself as one of those who must grow up into Christ, who is and always will be the head of our Church. 

       On Tuesday, we will have guests from congregations all over our presbytery.  With Ebenezer’s gift of hospitality, I am sure those who come will be blessed.

      The presbytery is planning an afternoon of “Respectful Conversation.”  The workshop is meant to help people feel safe when discussing controversial issues.  Because like married couples, Christians in any church or denomination will have disagreements and the temptation to sin.

     Friends, let us have the courage and humility to speak the truth always in love and to use our gifts to build up rather than tear down. Let us never forget the greatest gift.  And when kindness, grace, and forgiveness end, so goes the relationship.

     Let us ask the Lord to keep us focused on Him who will forever be the head of this church. And who calls us to be one and live in love.

Prayer:  Heavenly Father, thank you for your spiritual gifts so generously given to Your people.  We ask that you reveal the gifts you have given to us and that you show us how you want them used to further Your purposes.  Give us strength and patience to hold our tongues when we are tempted to say something defensive or unkind. Keep us from drawing lines in the sand when we disagree. Teach us how to help develop Your gifts in others and build up Your church. Thank you for forgiving us of our many sins, including all the times when we have failed to offer love, grace and forgiveness to our Christian brothers and sisters.  Lead us on to spiritual maturity so we can be more like Your Son—and grow up into Him.  In His name we pray.  Amen.