“Not What We Want”

                                        Meditation for Father’s Day                                            

June 17, 2012

Philippians 4:10-16, 18-20 

^"But I rejoiced in the Lord greatly, that now at last you have revived your concern for me; indeed, you were concerned before, but you lacked opportunity. ¹¹ Not that I speak from want, for I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am. ¹² I know how to get along with humble means, and I also know how to live in prosperity; in any and every circumstance I have learned the secret of being filled and going hungry, both of having abundance and suffering need. ¹³ I can do all things through Him who strengthens me. ¹⁴ Nevertheless, you have done well to share with me in my affliction.
¹⁵ You yourselves also know, Philippians, that at the first preaching of the gospel, after I left Macedonia, no church shared with me in the matter of giving and receiving but you alone; ¹⁶ for even in Thessalonica you sent a gift more than once for my needs...
  ¹⁸ But I have received everything in full and have an abundance; I am amply supplied, having received from Epaphroditus what you have sent, a fragrant aroma, an acceptable sacrifice, well-pleasing to God. ¹⁹ And my God will supply all your needs according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus. ²⁰ Now to our God and Father be the glory forever and ever. Amen."  (Philippians 4:10-16; 18-20)

***

     My grandfather wasn’t like any of my friends’ grandfathers.

     They told stories, built tree swings, and played board games. Fixed bicycles and set up model trains.

     They attended their grandchildren’s school plays, concerts, and athletic events.

     Not my grandfather.

     I was afraid of my father’s father when I was small. He was loud, sarcastic and often unkind.  He drank too much.

    He wasn’t what I wanted for a grandfather.

    And I knew that my father wished that his father had been different, too. He wished that he had been fun to be around when he was a kid and had taken an interest in what interested my father.  My dad, though he was a city boy, liked plants and trees.  He wanted to go to college and study botany.  His dream was to run a plant nursery business.

    My grandfather, who had never gone to college, laughed about that. But my dad went to college anyway, commuting to the University of Maryland and paying for it himself with a part-time job. While my dad attended the university, my grandfather called him, “College Boy.”

    And it didn’t sound nice when he said it.

     My grandfather was often on the road—traveling with his job. My grandmother, my dad, and his younger brother didn’t mind his traveling so much.

     Life was easier when he wasn’t around.

     My grandmother had a double portion of what my grandfather lacked in personality and charm. She played games with us and told funny stories and knock-knock jokes. She asked, “Why did the chicken cross the road?”  The answer was always different. Sometimes, “to get away from Colonel Sanders.”  Other times, it was “to get to the other side.”

     She was interested in everything about us and would listen to us chatter while she cooked a huge supper in her kitchen. 

    My grandfather made her angry when he said mean things, like when he insulted her relatives. She and my grandfather had loud arguments.

    When that happened, I would run down to their basement and hide until the yelling stopped. I would ride the squeaky rocking horse. Back and forth.  Back and forth.

     In my mind, I was riding far, far away.

***

     I don’t know how the Apostle Paul remained content despite all the hardship he endured. I admire his faith that remained true while he was rejected, arrested, beaten, jailed, and starved. But Paul says contentment is something he learned.

     That means we can learn this, too.  We can learn to rely on the Lord to empower us for whatever He calls us to do.

    Paul says, “I know how to get along with humble means, and I also know how to live in prosperity; in any and every circumstance I have learned the secret of being filled and going hungry, both of having abundance and suffering need.  I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.

     When I read this passage to the end this week, I heard something new.  When I reached, “My God shall provide all your needs according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus,” I realized that I had always assumed he was talking about physical needs—food, clothing, and shelter. But that would mean that God only cared about our bodies.

    The Bible tells us that God cares about our hearts.

    This scripture in Philippians is comfort not only for those who worry they won't have enough food for their families; it is also for those with a broken heart. When you don’t have the love you hope for and need from a family member—God provides that love another way—through someone else. 

    We live in a broken world, where no one has a perfect family—no matter how good things may seem from the outside.  Some people have horrendous family situations that we don’t know about because they keep it a secret. Victims of domestic abuse look like everybody else. They could be a neighbor, co-worker, or someone you pass by on Main Street in Renville every day.

    How do they feel when Father’s Day rolls around each year? 

    What kind of a Hallmark card do you pick out for a father or grandfather who is not what we want him to be?

***

     When my grandmother was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s, we all took it hard.  But my grandfather surprised us all when he became her primary caregiver, though they could afford to pay for professional care.

   

    He bathed and dressed her each day.  He made her bed, washed her clothes, and drove her to doctor appointments. He got her prescriptions filled, and made sure she was taking her pills at the right times and in the right amounts.  He drove her to the beauty parlor to get her hair done, like she always had.

    The man who had never cooked before, now prepared 3 meals a day.

   

    Breakfast was a grand affair with eggs, bacon, and bagels, perked coffee, fresh squeezed juice, and grapefruit sliced in half. In the center of each half, he placed a maraschino cherry.

    He started drinking ginger ale instead of alcohol. The sarcastic tone left his voice. He often called and shared his struggles, when she no longer knew who he was. Sometimes, she would pack a suitcase and tell him she was going home to her father, a man who had died before I was born. 

     My grandfather had key locks installed on the inside of the house so she wouldn’t wander off and get hurt or lost.

     Then she came down with pneumonia and was hospitalized. 

     When she died, my grandfather was beside himself with grief.  At the funeral he took me by the arm and tearfully led me to her open casket.

    “Doesn’t she look beautiful?” he asked. 

   My father and uncle continued their visits and calls to my grandfather after Grandma died.  He appreciated this.  And he was grateful when my brother and his wife and kids came to visit and when I came with my husband and my kids.  Being with family lifted his spirits.

    And I was no longer afraid of him. He was not the same person he had been. 

    He had many regrets.  He and Grandma had planned to take cruises after they retired.  He had wanted to show her the world.

   

     And then my grandmother got sick.

     My grandfather’s heart weakened until finally he needed hospitalization. My father and uncle took turns by his bedside, comforting him as his breathing became more labored.  

      They were with him when he died.

       I know my father remembers his dad fondly and sadly on Father’s Day each year. He remembers their final years together, when suffering led to reconciliation. 

       I know God provides not the way we always want Him to, but according to His idea of riches. This includes healing relationships so deeply scarred that it is nothing short of a miracle.

      Our God of mercy used something as terrible as Alzheimer’s and turned it into a vehicle of healing and transformation for a family. 

      Maybe you have a similar story to tell—when suffering healed family relationships.  Maybe some of you had a father or grandfather who was difficult to love. Maybe you still do.

      Maybe they were not what you wanted. Maybe they just weren’t around when you needed them.

      My advice is to let the hurt go. Join me as we seek our contentment in the Lord. Let us learn together how to rely on Him for strength.

      And trust that our God will provide all the love we need.

Prayer:  Heavenly Father, we praise you that You are not like human beings, who sometimes hurt us and let us down.  Thank you for Your love that is unconditional and unceasing, though we have done nothing to earn it.  We accept and receive Your love through our redeemer, Jesus Christ.  You are always gracious and faithful to us.  Your words are gentle and reassuring, never harsh or sarcastic.  Teach us how to love our families the way You love us!  Lead us to forgive and be kind to one another. Help us to seek our strength in You.  Help us find contentment, no matter what our situations.  Fill us with the love of Christ that we may share with a broken and hurting world.  In Christ we pray.  Amen!