“She’s All That”

Meditation for May 13, 2012

     “A capable wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain.
     She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life.
     She seeks wool and flax, and works with willing hands.
     She is like the ships of the merchant, she brings her food from far away.
     She rises while it is still night and provides food for her household and tasks for her servant-girls.
     She considers a field and buys it; with the fruit of her hands she plants a vineyard.
     She girds herself with strength, and makes her arms strong.
     She perceives that her merchandise is profitable.
     Her lamp does not go out at night. She puts her hands to the distaff, and her hands hold the spindle.
     She opens her hand to the poor, and reaches out her hands to the needy.
     She is not afraid for her household when it snows, for all her household are clothed in crimson.
     She makes herself coverings; her clothing is fine linen and purple.
     Her husband is known in the city gates, taking his seat among the elders of the land.
     She makes linen garments and sells them; she supplies the merchant with sashes.
     Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she laughs at the time to come.
     She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.
     She looks well to the ways of her household, and does not eat the bread of idleness.
     Her children rise up and call her happy; her husband too, and he praises her, saying:
    ‘Many women have done excellently, but you surpass them all.’
     Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
      Give her a share in the fruit of her hands, and let her works praise her in the city gates.” (Proverbs 31:10-31)

***

     On Mother’s Day, I can’t help but think of the women in my life who have made a difference. I often talk about my grandmother, my mother’s mother, and the role she played in helping to shape who I am today.

    Grandma gave me my first Bible--- a white leather bound King James with gold trimmed pages. The words of Jesus in red.  Grandma used to tuck us into bed at night when she and my grandfather visited us in Maryland.  At Grandma’s encouragement, my sister and I used to read our Bibles and pray simple prayers, asking God to bless everyone we knew—all our family and friends. Even our pets.

    My grandmother influenced me in other ways, too.  Or at least she tried.  I wasn’t at all like my grandmother—who was dainty, quiet, and loved to cook, sew, and clean house. I was noisy and dirty and liked to be outside where I could roam and explore. When I was indoors, I got in trouble for running through our ranch style house from end to end, jumping from throw carpet to throw carpet, pretending I was leaping from island to island in a great blue sea. 

    I liked to play with cars, trucks and tractors, and make things—usually requiring messy materials, such as paint and glue.  I seldom had clean sneakers and my clothes had stains and holes from crawling along the ground, climbing trees or crossing slippery rocks in the creek. 

     Grandma used to pray for me.  A lot.  She worried about me— how I would turn out. Whether I would ever be a good wife, mother and Christian.

    I had my own ideas and dreams.  Being good and quiet all the time was just not very fun.  Or very easy for an adventurer like me.

     I realized at an early age that Grandma struggled with fear and anxiety.  She was afraid of many things.  She was not a risk taker.  

     She liked the safety and security of home.  She didn’t have career ambitions, though she wanted to be a teacher when she was a girl. But she dropped out of high school in 11^th grade and went to work with her older sister Bertha as a waitress on the boardwalk in Atlantic City. 

    She was a product of the Depression—and was terrified to be poor or hungry. She was one of the eldest of 13 children. She grew up on a farmette, sleeping 3 to a bed in the house her Norwegian immigrant father had built. They relied heavily on the food they grew or raised. They had apple trees, a vegetable garden, chickens, goats, and pigs.

    She was a very capable woman, as our reading in Proverbs describes the ideal for our gender.  But her fears kept her from doing many things that would have enriched her life.  Her anxieties stole the joy out of many days and nights. 

     The fears increased as she grew older and lost her sight. She imagined all sorts of devils in the shadows.

     She came to stay with me when I was a wife and mother. I would pray with her and ask Jesus to comfort her and make His presence known. That helped some, but even God frightened her, at times.  She wasn’t sure of His grace and Her safety in His arms. 

    She feared the Lord’s judgment, though she had been a good and obedient Christian, a virtuous and capable woman, her entire life. She didn’t understand that fear of the Lord means having awe, respect, and adoration for Him and His power.

    In Christ, we have perfect peace in His perfect love. We have been forgiven for all of our sins! We don’t have to worry.

    We can trust Christ’s words in John, “Do not let your hearts be troubled. Do not be afraid.”

***

    The Proverbs 31 woman is, indeed, capable.   As we read, we should bear in mind that this acrostic poem, where each of the 22 lines begins with a different letter of the Hebrew alphabet in order, was a teaching tool for young people.  And it was written by a man from the perspective of a husband seeking the ideal wife.  

     The author lays out the most important things to him in the beginning.  He can trust her, and “he will have no lack of gain. She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life.”

      He provides a long list of responsibilities and chores that she must do faithfully and well.  Here’s a few: sewing, weaving, and spinning wool and flax with her “willing hands.” She was not only skilled; she had a good attitude about work. She was never idle!

     She had great business sense—turning a profit with her merchandise and investing wisely in farmland—considering a field before buying it.  Then, with her strong arms, planting a vineyard herself.

    Snow doesn’t worry her—for her household has plenty of the finest clothing she has made of crimson—the color and fabric worn by rich people and royalty.

    She stays up late and gets up early, burning the candle at both ends, to make sure all is done and her servants have work to do when they wake up every morning.

     And her husband, because of his efficient, wise, kind, hardworking, thrifty wife, has time to go sit at the city gates with the other men, where all the important decisions are hashed out and where they can find out all the latest news and gossip in the community.

     Kind of like the men gathering at Bart’s Restaurant every day at 9 a.m.

    Her children are happy and praise her.

    Her husband is happy and praises her, too!

    And why not?  She’s all that!  And more!

***

     My grandmother is with the Lord now.  And I know that she has been set free from the anxieties and fears that plagued her throughout her life on earth.

    I am grateful for the faith she taught me and for encouraging me to pray, read the Bible, and go to church. I am grateful she cared enough to pray for me and worry about me.

     I think she would be happy with how I’ve turned out—well, she would like it that I am a pastor.  But I am still messy and noisy and headstrong.  At least I have learned to leave my dirty shoes in the garage or mudroom.

     I will never be anything like the Proverbs 31 wife who can handle that long list of responsibilities and sleep so little.

     But the reality is, no one can do all those things well and keep on doing them every day. Nor should they try.

      My message to women today is this, “Don’t compare the talents and gifts God has given you with the wife of Proverbs 31. Or any other woman.

    “Be yourself. Be who God wants you to be!”

    The Proverbs 31 wife is just an ideal dreamed up by some ancient man. Even he knew she was rare—probably nonexistent. Why else would he start the poem with, “A capable wife, who can find? She is far more precious than jewels.” 

   The most important thing we can learn from this poem is the line of wisdom near the very end.  Don’t chase after the kind of beauty and charm that is only on the surface. Your heart is what counts.

     “A woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.”

    Fear God—and don’t be afraid. Give Him your awe, respect, and adoration.

  Don’t you know that in Christ you have already been perfected in God’s eyes?!           

  You’re ALL THAT!  And more.

Let us pray. Heavenly Father, thank you for Your Son, who has done the work of cleansing us from sin and perfecting us.  Thank you for having planned a future with hope for each one of us and for guiding us along this journey of faith.  Thank you for the women You have placed in our lives to make a difference—to help shape us into what You want us to be.  Forgive us when we are too hard on ourselves and strive after imaginary ideals or surface beauty.  Teach us how to fear You and let go of any worldly fears and anxieties.  In Christ’s Name we pray.  Amen.